July 4, 2020: Living in the Divided States of America

We, as a nation, suck at communicating. One of the most important skills in communication is listening. As a man, who has been in a relationship with an amazing woman for over 11 years, I understand how important it is to listen! However, this skill hasn’t been utilized by the nation’s leadership, nor its citizens in several years. 

We all have our ideas about how this nation should be operated and led. I’m sure you would agree that about 99% of us want what’s best for our country. So, what makes us so divided? Aren’t we supposed to have different ideas and views to think through, collaborate, and find solutions? This is what is supposed to make us great. If we all believed the same thing and had no one opposing us, we would never grow. We see this in business. I see this in the Black Chamber. Once I found board members who not only bought in to the vision, but made it their own, the organization grew more than I ever expected and we continue to grow. When we meet, we share ideas. We ‘listen’ to each other. When we disagree, we talk it through until we find a solution and way forward. The culture we have is welcoming and united, and we are strong because of it. Our last chamber meeting with board members and committee members had nearly 30 people of all diverse backgrounds attend focused on one goal; black economic empowerment in Utah. 

In America, however, it’s the complete opposite. We don’t want to hear or listen to the other side. We are not willing to concede to the notion that the opposing side may have some thoughts that make sense. Instead, we push our agenda to them and they push back. So, we arm ourselves with a response to defend our positioning build this wall or barrier in front of us. Thus, our perspectives and ideas just hit the walls of those opposed, and we’re just not getting through to each other. We become more frustrated, more angry, and annoyed, making that wall thicker and taller every single day.

As I have studied and taught leadership for several years, one principal that has always stuck with me and I have continued to apply ever since is to listen to understand, instead of listening to respond. As someone who grew up shy and introverted, listening makes communication for me easier, because I don’t have to talk as much! The more I listen, the more I begin to learn and understand the person who I am listening to. Even when there’s a response formed in my head, I still continue to listen. I allow them to finish their thought. This is the most important part of listening. Allowing them to finish. Because when they have nothing more to say, and if they want the dialogue to continue, they will have to listen to you. It seems so simple, yet it’s so mentally challenging for all of us. 

We are in a society of distractions that has limited our attention span to that of a goldfish. We can’t watch TV, eat, or even be in conversation without looking at our handheld device or have the urge to. We are consumed with so much in the world, that our mind is moving through so many thoughts, that to just simply listen and pay attention to what someone else is saying requires more energy than ever before. 

I experienced this when I began coaching. As a coach, your main job is to listen and help your client find solutions. After every two-hour coaching session, I have to schedule time for me to rest and re-energize. It requires a lot to really focus on a person for two hours!

So here we are, lacking or not willing to use the energy to listen to understand, so we are just quick to respond instead; not willing to give them the benefit of the doubt that they may have a valid argument. But, nothing is being resolved here as we are just talking to the defensive barriers that have been put up in front of us because we simply just don’t want to understand, yet we want them to understand our view? How do we expect this thought process to work? 

If we take the time and listen with intention to each other, we’ll begin to see the walls come down. Imagine a drawbridge that connects separate land when it is down. When we choose not to understand one another that drawbridge is up, not allowing us to connect to each other. We’re not connecting. Connecting is the goal of communication. Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in such a way that it increases our influence with them. We will have no influence with people if we are not connecting. And in order to connect, we have to listen to understand until that drawbridge comes down. When the bridge is down, we now have common ground. Common ground is where everyone’s needs and values intersect. This is where we come together, find solutions and grow. If we don’t establish common ground, we will never grow as a community, as a nation. 

Everyone communicates, but very few are connecting. Connecting increases influence. Leadership is influence. Nothing more. Nothing Less. Everything rises and falls on leadership. Leadership has decreased our influence with the world. Leadership has decreased its influence with its citizens. Because leadership is not connecting. The drawbridge is up, dividing the great people of this nation. We won’t connect, we won’t establish common ground, we won’t find solutions, and we won’t grow, until leadership decides to listen to understand. It’s a shame our nation’s leadership has dug us into a hole that will take several election terms to dig out of.

I’m having a hard time today celebrating July 4th weekend in 2020. It’s supposed to be Independence Day. We are not independent this year. We have become trapped by our inability to connect. 

People feel imprisoned by their fear, confusion, anger, and pain over a pandemic that has trapped people in their home because it was poorly managed and communicated by leadership. 

This is supposed to be the land of the free and home of the brave. Yet, people have become cowards sharing their thoughts, frustrations, and demands on social media instead of communicating and connecting with the leadership who have the ability to bring change. It seems more satisfying for them to shame and put down others through a platform that has caused anxiety, peer pressure, and stress since it was released, when it was supposed to be simply another channel for people to communicate. 

How can people feel free, when still, four hundred years later, feel denied of their liberties and equal treatment of an oppressive system? A system that labeled slaves ⅗ of a person, and since African-Americans have become free, are still fighting for that ⅖ to be treated whole? How can someone feel free when they are denied their rights of the legal process that was created for everyone? Instead, they meet their judge and executioner in the space where the crime allegedly took place, yet displayed no threat to the officer nor public?

When the docs were signed on July 4, 1776, America was given its independence, but many people, people who played a critical role in this country, weren’t given their independence. Even when given their independence on June 19, 1865, they were still imprisoned by lack of resources and education. They were still imprisoned by inequality, and still fighting for the same freedom, the same independence given to America in 1776, still 155 years after supposedly receiving theirs. 

People come from all over the world escaping their circumstances and seeking the America Dream, only to discover they are not fully welcomed here, even though that’s what the Statue of Liberty stands for. 

We have a lot of work to do for America’s citizens to fully feel the Independence given in 1776. The Liberty Song, written just a few years before July 4, 1776, says “United we stand, divided we fall.” We are falling fast. This year, I hope leadership recognizes it takes more than a healthy economy for a successful nation. It takes unity, acceptance, inclusion and justice for all. We need a new vision. It’s not my vision. It’s not your vision. A new vision. A vision we call ours. A vision that is created when we connect and shared on common ground. That won’t happen, until we listen.

Palm Sunday 2020

I remember as a young kid, Palm Sunday was a reminder that Easter was only a week away. It was like celebrating Christmas Eve. You walk into church and they give you a palm leaf to pin to yourself. I didn’t understand the level of significance of Palm Sunday too well, I was just excited to get the palm leaf and participate. 

This Palm Sunday is a different level of meaning for me. We are in a different time. For most of us Christians, it’s a struggling time of life where we are not able to worship with our brothers and sisters. Easter is just a week away, and we’re seeking strength in how to celebrate and honor this important holiday. I tuned in to a few online church services this morning, and one of the messages inspired me when the preacher said ‘provision is found in the approach, not the retreat.’ We have been encouraged to retreat into our homes, and that led to some of us to retreat in our mind and spirit as well. However, the pastor reminded me now is the time more than ever not to retreat, but be encouraged and find the endurance to continue to move forward just as Jesus did on a donkey into Jerusalem. He knew his fate. But he also understood his purpose. 

Yesterday, I was given a book by my grandmother, Ida Mae Jackson, written around 60 years ago. Nana was one of the wisest people I have ever known. Her voice alone brought peace no matter if she was happy or angry. Her laugh was contagious. But her words were always on point and on time. I could listen to her speak all day. She was always inspiring and encouraging. 

This book, “For this One Hour,” is all of that. She wrote this during a difficult time of her life to keep her encouraged. I thank my auntie for sharing these unpublished words with the family. It brought to light to me that my gift was encouraged by my grandfather, but was passed on to me from my grandmother. 

Throughout my adult life, I always look for opportunities to inspire, encourage, motivate, or provide a platform to lift others. This pandemic has tested my ability to continue what I feel is my purpose. For a moment, I set it aside and fell in line with the rest of the ‘sheep’ and sat around the house and worked just enough to qualify as being productive. 

Last week, I decided to change my perception and my actions and found some inspiration and the ability to pivot and continue my path. I don’t want to be a ‘sheep.’ Why fit in when you’re born to stand out?! 

This book, however, put me in reflection mode. It’s been five years since she’s passed, and I miss her so much still. Auntie reminded me of the times I traveled around the country (on the road, not by air, because Papa didn’t like flying) to all the Laymen and Baptist conferences and conventions. As I think more about those experiences, they were one of the best experiences of my life. I saw my grandparents’ passion and purpose and so eager to share and pass on to me. Not even to be evangelical, but they saw more in me than I saw in myself. They wanted to be sure that I lived the same way; with passion and with purpose. I’m so grateful for those moments. I’m so blessed to have a Nana and Papa in my life who continuously strived to bring light to those around them. 

On this Palm Sunday, I encourage you to be a light to those around you. There are many who are fearful. Many who have lost their jobs or fear they may be next. Some are living in panic. Some are depressed, lonely, and are struggling during a time of isolation. These people need to know there’s hope, there’s a light at the end of this dark tunnel. Keep the faith and instill faith in them. 

In the chapter of We Can Be Optimistic, she writes: 

“Promise yourself to be too large to worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.”

Find A Way Forward

As Michelle and I were re-arranging furniture last night, she reminded me of one of many reasons why we just belong together. With all of us home working and school moved to online during this time, we needed some extra desks. I felt we were running out of space, and didn’t think what she had mind was going work. However, the brilliant woman she is, made it work, and the space doesn’t look cluttered. It actually looks really nice. Like everything belonged. When we finished, she said, “There’s a solution to every problem.”

She is absolutely right. For every problem we have in the world today, there is a solution. I was taught this as I began building my organization. I usually don’t stress about anything. I may have felt pressure, but I have never broke. Have I failed? Many times. Do I get scared? Of course. However, Michelle and I refuse to live scared. We don’t live in worry and fear. Why? Circumstances are only temporary. We’ll focus on the present, but not dwell on it. Events may worry us or scare us, but it’s no way to live. After thinking it through, we find a way forward. That’s the key. Find a way forward.

If you’re like me, I was excited about 2020. At the end of 2019, Michelle said 2020 was going to be special. (I don’t think this was the special she had mind.) I felt it, too. In fact, I knew 2020 was going to be awesome. And it was shaping up to be awesome real fast. I began a new position that has been perfect for me and my mission. The Utah Black Chamber was gaining some serious momentum and a lot of visibility. Its foundation was kicked off in February with much excitement in building the Black Success Center. New plans and missions were in place for other programs and organizations. I was landing more speaking gigs, and was recognized by Utah Business Magazine as one of its 40 Under Forty just before Michelle gave me a 40th birthday celebration in Monterey, California a couple of weeks later. Things were really moving! After we returned home, however, everything came to a screeching halt. I could even hear the tires screech on the road. That’s how quickly everything just stopped.

Unprecedented times put people in a state of worry and fear. While looking for answers or updates, people find themselves glued and sucked in to the doom and gloom. The more doom that is found, the more gloom they become. In the beginning, I felt the same way. But I was in denial at first. “This is not going to last that long. No reason to cancel events just yet. It’s all going to be just fine, soon. Quit making it bigger than it is.” As Michelle’s birthday approached, plans were failing, and it became more difficult to celebrate. Schools were being dismissed. We were asked by our employers to work remotely from home.  The night of her birthday, was the same night the restaurants and bars were being asked to shut down for a period, so we decided go out to dinner just before they closed and celebrated in style. But that’s when it really hit me. Things were about to get fascinating. This last week, I had the news on while I was working. I was plugging in to every press conference and virtual meeting there was, so I can learn and provide resources to the community. The more I listened, the more down I began to feel. This can’t be happening. What about this organization? What about that small business? What do you mean I can’t go to church? It was really getting to a brutha. Then an earthquake! Let’s just add more gas to the flame.

The weekend, however, gave me time to reflect. We took the dog took on a nice long walk. I cleaned up the yard. I went golfing with some buddies while Michelle went hiking with our oldest. Although, there were moments golfing that reminded me that we are in fascinating times, life felt normal to me. It’s like the whole weekend I just took a deep breath.

This week, I put myself back in to my normal mindset. I stopped sleeping in, and got back to my normal early morning routine. I began reading and writing again. I’m reviewing some of my signature presentations and looking for opportunities to strengthen them, while also thinking about new trainings and workshops. I’m taking this opportunity while everything is at a stopping point to reflect, review, and rejuvenate myself, so when we come out of this thing, and we will, I come out hot and ready roll! I spoke with my chamber leadership last week to put some actions items in motion. I’m meeting with my foundation team to continue our efforts of building our programs. Life for me is back to normal, just in a different world at the moment. I feel so much better. And when you feel better, you do better. Trials don’t come to defeat you. They come to promote you. Sometimes we need to take a moment to slow down, or even stop, to reflect, review and understand what needs to happen to feel rejuvenated again. I still can’t do everything I want to do, but I’m excited about the things I can do at this moment. I’m looking forward to cleaning out the garage, and do some spring cleaning and not worry about events getting in the way. I’ve enjoyed being at home with the family. My mind feels like it’s taking a break and I’m using this time to focus on the next big things for J3. Its like I was forced to exhale.

Some of you are not feeling this same way right now. Circumstances have placed you in very a challenging place. Your next decision could make or break you. You’re trying to figure how to make it financially the next 30, 60, or 90 days, or even the next week or days. Family is depending on you to feed them, house them and clothe them, and you’re slowly running out of options. For those in these positions, I pray for you, and I am here if you need me. I may not have the money or some of the resources you’re looking for, but I have been gifted with the ability to build a network and surround myself around a village of support. My village is your village.

I realize it may not be as simple for you elevate your mindset as it was for me. However, I’d like to encourage you by saying, there’s an opportunity in every storm. Storms may come fierce and some cause damage. However, some storms come to clean the air and water the soil to bring beauty in the future. The fiercest storms bring unity in the community and inspire change. You may not see the purpose now, but know there’s always a plan within each season of life. This storm is only temporary. It’s going to get better. It may not come out the way you want it to in the beginning, but rising up out of this can build resilience, strength, endurance, and a relentless drive to pursue success. We’re encouraged to set goals and focus on the goal, but we lose sight of the journey. It’s during the process where we become the person we need to become to achieve the goals we want to achieve. It’s this moment in time where one of the biggest tests happen. How much stronger will you become when you rise from this? How much have you learned about this experience and about yourself? What associations do you have now that keeps you where you are, and what associations do you need to elevate you to where you want to be?

I have faith things will be better for you. I believe you will not only make it, but you will thrive from this. Why?

1. God’s got it.

2. This is only temporary

3. There’s a solution to every problem.

And if you are struggling to find the solution, give me call, and let’s figure it out together.

“The pain you are feeling, cannot compare to the joy that is coming.” -Romans 8:18

All Eyes On Me

When I started the Utah Black Chamber, I didn't fully understand the path that lied ahead for me. I planned on contributing to the social, well economic good, of the Black community. I wanted to prove to myself (and others) that I can be successful at growing a nonprofit organization. What I didn't expect, as the chamber grew, I grew; in maturity, personal and professional development, and as a leader. A leader in the diverse community and the community overall. It has been a fun and exhilarating road. As someone who is naturally an introvert, I have been stretching and being outside my comfort zone nearly every single day. 

Sometimes I wonder where would I be if I just kept to myself and kept going the path I planned; growing in a company and focused on taking care of me. After work, the rest of my day was free to do whatever. Hang out on the weekends with friends. Go to church on Sunday, and then repeat the process over and over again. 

However, I felt called. Called to change the perspective. During this process, I learned to understand is if I wanted to be treated and included as equal, I had to learn that I represent more than just myself. As a person of color, especially in a state that is not recognized as a diverse community, it's important to recognize that there are more eyes watching than you realize. Especially, if you have influence. It's not just your family, friends, co-workers, boss, and people at church, but it also those who see you on the street, in a social environment, and anywhere and everywhere there are eyes. These eyes are evaluating you, critiquing you, and judging you. Whatever you do, you don't get the privilege of just representing you. Whether they consciously do or not, they see you as a representation of your entire community. The African Proverb says, "It takes a village to raise a child." You are now a representation of how well that village raised you. 

Whether you like it or not, if you are a person of a diverse background, the noise you make is louder than the noise of the majority. It's evident in the news we watch and read. Recently, actor Jussie Smollett, who is black and gay, was indicted on charges of falsifying a hate crime. He allegedly plotted his own attack. Apparently, this was out of frustration of not being compensated as he felt he should for is role in Empire. . . . . . 

This was a selfish move. Actors have a huge spotlight. Black actors have even a larger spotlight. But Jussie is a Black gay actor. So the spotlight is massive. I understand if you are frustrated with your career. Many of us have been there. However, as a person of influence, he has to consider the consequences of the actions he decides to take. In the days of social media, what you say and do can be seen and heard almost immediately, and spread across the globe if you are of influence like Jussie Smollett. This is how stereotypes, perceptions, and judgements are developed. The worst part is the plot he used to gain attention; a hate crime. It is already difficult to know and feel that our country is still full of racism and hate crimes are still going on. Now, for those who are feel like they are being treated disproportionately, do they feel their trust is compromised with law enforcement now than before? It's already tough for victims of a hate crime. Now, will it be harder to prove that you were actually attacked?

Yes, celebrities and athletes have a lot bigger spotlight. However, that does not mean you don't have one on you. Your actions can affect your own community, and as you grow in influence, your impact can be much greater, positively or negatively. As a matter of fact, if you want increase your influence, just simply be aware of who you represent and take responsibility for your actions. You'll notice what you say, do, and even how you move. I have been humbled and humiliated, but I have also been elevated and motivated. It can be a blessing and a curse. You just have to decide. Do you want to bless your community or curse your community?

With the racial climate we have right now, it's more critical than I've seen in my lifetime we need more people of color to recognize who they represent. Just simply be aware of who they can influence and be the example of what we all can become. With all eyes on us, let's show them what we are capable of and how we can change the world.

Public Enemy #1 Because He's the Best?

I know. It hurt even typing it. I'm a die-hard Steelers fan, so I hated seeing Tom Brady and the New England Patriots tie the Pittsburgh Steelers with their sixth Super Bowl title. For the last two years, I was rooting hard for their Super Bowl opponent. Actually, for the last five years, I rooted hard for their opponent. There was only one time in the last five years the Patriots didn't make the Super Bowl, and that was in 2015 when Peyton Manning and Denver Broncos defeated them in the AFC Championship game.

However, being a Steelers fan isn't the only reason I wanted them to lose. It's because they are always winning! Same for the Golden State Warriors, and LeBron James (Although, he may not make it this year); they keep winning and have become mainstays in the Championship games. Can't we get a new team (or come on, Steelers! Get it together!) to win the championship?

Here's what hurts the most. We really shouldn't be cheering for these teams to lose. We should be cheering for other teams to win. If we were in the NFL or NBA, we would see a different perspective. We would find that all teams are looking at the Patriots and the Warriors, and are working to figure out how to become them. How do we step up our game to be at the level of the Patriots?

Then look from the Patriots perspective. They enjoy winning. Who doesn't? They never want it to end, and they know everyone is after them. So they are working to become even better the next year, so they can remain at the top.

In business, we are always striving to be at the top. We can hate the fact others are and we're not, or they are always at the top and we feel like we are never going to get a chance. However, what are we doing to raise our game? Get recognized? Rams coach Sean McVay constantly spoke with Patriots coach Bill Belichick, and in two years of being a head coach, made it to the Super Bowl. Coach Belichick was more than willing to chat with Coach McVay. Not only because he's a great coach and mentor; many of his assistant coaches went on to become head coaches, but also because one of the main functions of growth is mentoring others.

It's easy to be a hater. It's hard to face the music and realize they are at the top and we're not, because we don't have the talent, the skills, resources, or abilities. . . . yet. But guess what? We can make excuses or make our destiny, but we can't do both. We can acquire what's needed to be at the top. Instead of looking at them and hating them, study them. Learn what they are doing. Ask if they can become your mentor. Most leaders at the top are at the top, because they have learned to serve others well. Put them on our vision board or with your goals to set them as your aim. So you're not hating them, your motivated by them. Shoot, you want to have haters like them! Why not? That means you've made it. HATERS is an acronym for:

Having

Anger

Towards

Everyone

Reaching

Success

So you want to have as many of those as possible. The New England Patriots have nearly a whole country of football fans that hate them. But they have been to the Super Bowl 10 times and have now won six of them. So do you think they care who hates them? Of course not. The level of haters is a result of your level of success. Don't hate, congratulate, appreciate, and be motivated, so you yourself can one day be at the top!

Trust. The. Process. . . . .

What is your plan for growth?

We understand goal setting, but what about setting plans for growth? We need to get rid of the lottery mindset and trust the process.