“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”
“Birds of a feather flock together.”
“You are the average of the people you hang around with the most.”
We’ve all probably heard these sayings before. One of the most critical elements to our success is our association. How our perspectives are developed, the visions we create for ourselves, and access to resources and community are all determined by how we are raised and who we surround ourselves with.
“The rich get richer and the poor get poorer” phrase gets used a lot because the rich have access to things rich people have access to, while the poor are exposed to their own network. This also means our minds are trained by this. Poor people typically develop a mindset of limitations and problems while the rich develop a mindset of opportunity and solutions. We usually see crime and violence occur in low income neighborhoods. With thoughts full of problems and limitations, people typically see no way. It’s hard to be creative when you don’t think you’re worthy or deserving. However, some take the opportunity to find a bridge to cross and connect with others outside of their network to help with their dream.
As a Black man growing up in Salt Lake City, Utah, one would think I wouldn’t have the access to an environment designed for me to succeed. With a small Black population, you would think it would be difficult to see someone like me in positions of success. However, it was quite the opposite for me. Calvary Baptist Church was not only my church home, but my community. I was fortunate to be in a church of successful Black church members – legislators, lawyers, doctors, educators and business owners filled the church pews every Sunday. Being around them, listening to them, hearing their stories and experiences, taught me what I should be striving towards and how to do it. It wasn’t until I reached adulthood I realized the value of my ‘social capital!’ Yes, money makes the world go around, but it’s our influence that pays for the trip. What type of adventure do you want to take – a cruise across the pond or a trip around the world?
I was trying to mentor a young boy in high school. He came from an immigrant family and was living with his three siblings and his mom in a two-bedroom apartment in a low income neighborhood. I was introduced to him because he was getting into trouble at school and not performing well academically. When I met with him, he kept talking about his friends and what they were doing. It seemed like he was just trying to fit in. He didn’t understand that his thought process was so wrong. When he saw or interacted with white people, he looked at them as superior people who had it all. He didn’t think he would be able to have that same life because of his circumstances.
Meanwhile, his sister is thriving. Only a year older, she graduated high school with grades well enough to earn a full ride to college. She got access to tutors and a support team to help her on the path of getting into college and is in her first year now. What was the difference between her success and her brother’s challenges? Her association. She chose to be surrounded by different people and not allow her circumstances to be a barrier to what she wants to become.
We all have a dream of what we want to become. We have a vision of what we want to achieve. However, the people around us can sometimes, intentionally or unintentionally, crush our dreams or diminish our confidence of becoming more. Our social capital is critical to our growth, so choose your association wisely. It is hard when it’s a close friend you grew up with or even a family. Those relationships you can’t just immediately cut off. But when it comes to better yourself, live a more fulfilling and abundant life, you can’t be held back by them. Either they are on board with you or they’re not. If they love you enough, they’ll change their views. But ‘if you can’t change the people around you, then you have to change the people around you.’
LIVE WITH PURPOSE!